The Political Parody
Late Breaking News – what the
media doesn’t want you to know!
By Julia Analology—A Uranus
Specialist
President Trump signed an
executive order today. It covers an extensive economic package for Mexico. The
package consists of ropes, ladders, shovels, rubber rafts, and lawn mowers. Due
to the influx of illegal immigrants from Mexico, the middle eastern terrorist “SNIFFLES”
has infiltrated the USA through Canada. They blend in with Canadian citizens.
He wanted to make sure that illegal aliens are welcome from Mexico with one
item each from the economic package. He wants to make sure they are welcome in
the USA and come ready to work. Benefits are not included but we will treat you
like every other low income American and tax you dearly.
Former President Bill Clinton has
disclosed that he actually did not have sex with Monica. He was working with
NASA to conduct gas experiment on Uranus and she happened to participate in the
Uranus probe.
Former President George W Bush
and Former President Barrack Obama made a formal statement that they have a lot
in common with J Edgar Hoover and Caitlyn Jenner. The four of them are really
like the Victoria Secret’s Spring Collection.
Former Speaker of the House, Newt
Gingrich, has decided to lobby for a specific bill. He is working very hard to
pass the Political Contradictory Act. It allows elected officials the
opportunity to contradict themselves, accuse others of their person
indiscretions (finger pointing) and use government female employees personal
reasons. This way no one has to lie to congress, any investigation committee or
to the general public – i.e. spouses.
Former President Jimmy Carter
reminded the media today that he once lusted in his heart but it wasn’t for
another woman. It was for peanut butter. This confession cleared him of
thinking about adultery.
Secretary Betsy DeVos has
decided to change the Department of Education all together. She has decided the
core curriculum needs to be musical, artistic, and vocal oriented. Science,
Sports, and Mathematics will be used as a secondary back up. She is looking for
personnel with the following qualifications:
- Must be able to use more than three fingers
- Be able to blow really hard
- . Keep a steady rhythm
- Be able to swing with the best
- Must have steady throat control
- Hand strokes must be short and long
If you meet these criteria take a
picture with yourself in a private school uniform.
Congressman Trey Gowdy is still
questioning to get to the bottom of what is going on. He is intently investing
serval bottoms to see who has the lowest he can bite off. (Or was that bite out of the big old apple?)
Hillary Clinton finally admitted
she erased emails. She didn’t want Bill to read them-in part due to his track record. She had personal emails
about who was doing who in various government offices which was considered
highly confidential. The names had to be blocked out or emails erased to keep
the elected and appointed officials in check with their family values.
President Trump has signed an
executive order today allowing men not to be prosecuted for sexual harassment for
open “locker room talk.” It is law that all men must carry breath mints and at
least one glove for grabbing. All women must be at least 5 feet 7 inches tall,
blonde and weigh no more than 120 pounds to be allowed in public spaces. Medicaid
and Medicare will now cover all plastic surgery for women. We do not want any dogs on the street with
saggy bodies.
That is enough of my sick humor
today. I want to make sure that this is a bi-partisan equal opportunity pick on
the politician report.
God bless you all. Stay safely in
his arms.
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