Today’s topic is
a precarious one that a lot of people very seldom understand. The topic is
abuse. I was inspired to write about abuse today just because it is a
misunderstood on so many different levels. There is one abuse – emotional. It
breaks down into causes, physical and verbal. The physical further breaks down
into sexual, bondage, and beating. The type of bondage I am referencing, is a
person being held captive against their will through restraints. I am not
talking about the “sexual bondage” as seen on that less than desirable movie “50
Shades of Gray.” This is a bondage for control of one person over another. It all
stems from verbal to control the emotion state of one person over another- to
bend their will to perform in a certain manner. In essence it could be the same
as slavery.
This use to be
an epidemic problem among women and children, but as time has progressed, men
are being abused as well by other men and women. The definition of domestic abuse according to
the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) it is, “…the willful
intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive
behavior as part of a systematic patter of power and control perpetrated by one
intimate partner against another. It includes physical violence, sexual
violence, psychological violence, and emotional abuse. The frequency and severity of domestic
violence can vary dramatically; however, the one constant component of domestic
violence is one partner’s consistent efforts to maintain power and control over
the other.” [1]
This definition is just for partners involved with each other. The key word is “to maintain power and control over another”
and can happen in any situation where people are involved, such as school,
the work place, parent/child, extended family, friends and acquaintances. Though,
there is another phrase that should be used and it is called “with the intent to…” HARM.
My maternal grandparents
raised six (6) children in a house (it was never a home) that was consumed with
double domestic abuse. Both my grandfather and grandmother were in a love, hate
relationship and it spread over into their children. They wanted to control
each other as well as their children. As a result, the children had mental
illnesses, physical illnesses, married like people with the same issues, and they
displayed periodic forms of physical abusive behavior. The three eldest were
most affected and the youngest have mental illness, are not very close, and are
distant in their personal (familial) relationships. Did it affect the
grandchildren? Yes, it did spill over, as well, to some of the great-grandchildren.
How was the cycle broken in most cases; psychological counseling and recognition
through education. If anything, many of us grandchildren had strong wills to
end the cycle. A few of the grandchildren died in the cycle from self-abuse; a
few grandchildren continued to divorce and remarry time and time again; a few grand-children
never remarried; many of them suffer from mental illness that refuse to admit
it; a few are perpetual screw ups (never taking responsibility for their own
actions); and, a few have a perpetual drug/alcohol addiction. Never should abuse be used as a crutch.
I
will not even begin to discussed the “sexual and domestic abuse” on my paternal
side of the family, but it existed too. But due to the nature of not really
seeing that side of my family too often because they lived all over the world,
I do not feel comfortable discussing it because I do not have first-hand
knowledge on a personal level. I did not witness an abusive on going behavior
on the paternal side like I did on the maternal side of my extended families.
Abuse
just is not an American problem. It is alive and well internationally and still
growing stronger with every living day. There are at least twenty (20) people
abused every moment which equals out to about ten (10) million every year. One (1)
in three (3) women and one (1) and four (4) men have been physically abused by
a partner in the America.[2]
In, Alabama
alone 16% of violent offenses were domestic abuse cases. Of those cases 2,872
were aggravated domestic assault, 32,587 were simple domestic assault, and in ½
of the domestic violence homicides firearms were used.[3]
If you are a
woman, I would not want to live in Louisiana. “In 2010, Louisiana was ranked
4th in the nation for femicide; 2/3 of these murders were committed using guns….81%
of female homicides were committed by a partner or ex-partner.”[4]
In Mississippi,
the attorney general formed the Office of Domestic Violence in 2011. They were the
5th leading in the nation of women victims to domestic abuse
homicide; they have dropped to 34th in the nation. In 2014, they did
a spot survey on a specific day in September and noted they had 393 in refuge
residence at domestic abuse shelters (197 children and 196 adults) and 72
adults as receiving non-residential refuge assistance.[5]
In North
Carolina, 1,678 people were listed in a refuge residence or transitional
housing due to domestic abuse. In 2013, there were about two (2) people who
died every day due to domestic violence.[6]
In, Texas,
2013 there was 31% of domestic abuse victims with no-where to go. The shelters
did not have the resources to house them. In 2013, 76,704 reported cases of
domestic abuse to the police. They can only estimate what wasn’t reported. The
hotline for domestic violence in 2014 for the state received 185,373 telephone
calls. [7]
I chose to
report these states because I have lived in these states at one time or
another. This was definitely an eye opener for me. It is assumed that the
gender in most of these cases are female. But, I did report as stated earlier
that one (1) in four (4) men suffer from domestic abuse. They too are victims.
There are some women who are meaner that a yard dog. Let me tell you this one
case here in Houston. The late Professor Alf S. Andersson was killed in 2013 by
his estranged girl-friend Ana Trujillo with her 5 ½ inch stiletto heel where
she stabbed him at least 25 times. There was a history of her abusing him,
which was never reported. She received life in prison.[8]
The answer to the
male gender being abused, please report domestic abuse as well as sexual
assault.
One thing I did
discover in looking into the domestic abuse issue in the USA, not a lot is
really being done for prevention of women who have disabilities or women who
can’t speak for themselves like the average person. The National Council on
Disability in 2002, there were 51.2 million people with a disability; that is
18.1% of the total population had some form of disability and 11.5% had a
severe disability. For children with known disabilities, 68% of them will
receive maltreatment of some form of abuse. Women with developmental dis abilities
are four (4) to ten (10) times more likely to be sexually abused than the
average women. But, according National Council of Disability there just isn’t
enough information available to (basically) report accurately. [9]
Wow! What a slap in the face for someone who is developmentally disabled. I am pretty
sure that disabled people do vote and have or are paying taxes. I am one of
them, I know. We are the forgotten populous
in domestic abuse cases unless it is reported and makes headline news. If your
child, with a disability, was in a group home, or an elderly female loved one
in a nursing home, or a person incapacitated were sexually assaulted, how would
you feel knowing they were violated at the hands of a care-giver?
I
stated earlier that domestic violence and abuse is not just a problem in the
USA, but internationally. It is worse outside the USA and is starting to filter
more everyday inside our own country because of it. Therefore, to stop it is
not just a national but international issue.
53% of all people in Canada with disabilities
are women. 60% of women with
disabilities experience some type of domestic abuse as well at a higher risk for
neglect, psychological abuse and financial exploitation. People with mental or
behavioral disabilities experience domestic victimization at a rate four (4)
times that of people who have none. “Aboriginal women, lesbians, older women,
or women of color, the Canadians understand that they have more discrimination
and barriers than the average woman.”[10]
For
the average person in Canada, 7 out of 10 people who experience domestic abuse
are female. Men are not generally abusive to their families. Women are in the
majority to receive spousal abuse than men via choking, beating, threatened
with a weapon, or sexual. In dating
violence, over 80% of those victims are women and girls are more likely than
boys to experience domestic abuse in the family home. Children who witness
domestic abuse are harmed just the same as if they have felt it and it will
affect them with multiple issues when they are older including but not limited
to being an abuser (one who inflicts abuse) or another victim.[11]
Now let’s look
to the southern country adjacent to the USA, Mexico. In 2007, they
enacted for the first time, “…a new law that obligates federal and local
authorities to prevent, punish and eradicate violence against women…a ‘relentless’
fight against gender-related abuse.” This
is the first federal supported law. There have been similar statutes in many
cities and states that had already been in place.[12]
In the mid 1990’s, in Mexico, with the enactment of some city and state reforms
(laws) to help support prevention of domestic violence programs, there was a
20% drop in occurrences of domestic abuse crimes and a “…8% to 19% decline in
suicides married and cohabitating couples…”[13]
More than a decade ago before any reforms, the majority of the victims either
wanted to murder the person abusing them or end their lives in suicide. Now
there are programs are still youthful, available to assist the victim. There
have been no studies done as to the impact in Mexico or any other Latin
American Country like Brazil, Chile, or Columbia – which have reforms but no
measuring statistics. But, it was noted was a 6% decline in the homicide rate
against married men or men cohabitating with a female partner. [14]
Since it is agreed that Mexico actually doesn’t have measurement on statistics
that are accurate or non-existent, I will not even bother to look at UN
Statistics for Mexico, because they will not be accurate but a “we estimate
number.”
And we will
leave the story there because there isn’t a compilation of information on the
domestic violence in Mexico. I feel relatively certain in making the statement
that the majority of Mexico could be considered a third world country that has
been sadly neglected in many areas compared to the USA or Canada.
My point to all
of this, yesterday was International Women’s Day. I briefly scanned over the
events and did not see anything really pertaining to this subject. Nor did I
see anything covering sexual assault or human trafficking. Sometimes it seems, and women are no different, more interested in
our sexuality, fashion, or our bank account rather than the protection of
precious life that is living! Of course, I do know that Texas has always been more
interested in burglary (the ownership of trivial garbage being stolen from them)
other than the life of a fellow human being, but that is the Texas I love.
Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, and North Caroline place a higher value on tangible
goods as well than the actual lives of people.
Have you ever
been hit in the face during a childhood fight or a fight with a sibling or by
an adult? Close your eyes and remember that day. Was it humiliating? Did you
like it? Did your father maybe take a belt to you and hit you way too many
times beyond the realm of what would even be considered closely to a moderate
punishment? What about your mother, did she? Did you witness the treatment on
other siblings was way too harsh or out of line by a parent? Did your wife hit you
the other day with a shoe, a pan or break a plate on you? Did your husband
blacken your eye and threaten to kill you if you ever left him? Has someone
every yelled at you constantly, picked on you unmercifully with names, told you
that you are ugly? Bullying is a form of abuse. Have you ever been seriously
picked on in school? I remember joking in high school, “whip me, beat me, tease
me, make me write hot checks.” Well if you find the movie “50 shades of gray”
interesting enough, then have your wife or husband tie you do the bed and try
it out, except don’t stop. Draw blood. Feel the pain. Pain is not sexually erotic
by any means nor can it been romanticized. Please do not take me wrong, I am
not talking about a love tap on the rear, but inflicting pain on someone else
for control over another. Pain is not funny but damaging.
End violence
and report it.
If you are a
woman, report it.
If you are a
man, report it.
If you are a
child, report it.
If you are
handicapped, report it.
This paper, like
all my papers, are strictly information and contain a lot of my opinion. Many may
agree and many may not. I put it out there for everyone to read and determine
what is true to you.
If you know of someone in need of
help due to domestic abuse or sexual assault, please call (for assistance):
National sexual assault hotline 1-800-656-4673
National domestic abuse hotline 1-800-799-7333
Please say a prayer for those you love this
evening.
May you all go with God and be blessed by
his grace.
[1] “What
is domestic abuse?” NCADV. (accessed 9th March 2017) http://ncadv.org/learn-more/what-is-domestic-violence
[2] “Domestic
Violence National Statistics”. NCADV. 2015. (accessed 9th March
2017) http://ncadv.org/files/National%20Statistics%20Domestic%20Violence%20NCADV.pdf
[3] “Domestic
Violence in Alabama.” NCADV. 2015. (accessed 9th March 2017) http://ncadv.org/files/Alabama.pdf
[4] “Domestic
Violence in Louisiana.” NCADV. 2015. (accessed 9th March 2017) http://ncadv.org/files/Louisiana.pdf
[5] “Domestic
Violence in Louisiana.” NCADV. 2015. (accessed 9th March 2017) http://ncadv.org/files/Mississippi.pdf
[6] “Domestic
Violence in Louisiana.” NCADV. 2015. (accessed 9th March 2017) http://ncadv.org/files/North%20Carolina.pdf
[7] “Domestic
Violence in Louisiana.” NCADV. 2015. (accessed 9th March 2017) http://ncadv.org/files/Texas.pdf
[8]
Associated Press. “Houston woman sentence to life in prison for killing
boy-friend with stiletto heel.” Daily
News: 11th April, 2014. (accessed 9th March 2017) http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/woman-killed-boyfriend-stiletto-life-article-1.1753793
[9] “Breaking
the Silence on Crime Victims with Disabilities in the US.” National Council on
Disability. 21st Ma2007. (accessed 9th March 9, 2017) http://www.ncd.gov/rawmedia_repository/05-21-07_jointstatement_crime.pdf
[10] “Fact
Sheets on Women with disabilities”. DAWN-RAFH
Canada – National Advisory Committee to End Violence against Women with
Disabilities and Deaf Women. (accessed 9th March 2017) http://www.dawncanada.net/
[11] “Facts
on Violence Against Women.” Canadian Women’s Foundation. (accessed 9th
March 9, 2017) http://www.canadianwomen.org/
[12]Castillo,
E. Eduardo. “Mexico Enacts law on Domestic Violence.” Washington Post- Associated
Press. 1st February 2007. (accessed 9th March 9, 2017) http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/02/01/AR2007020101658.html
[13] Beleche, Trinidad. “Bargaining Intra-Family
Violence Laws and Acts of Domestic Violence in Mexico.” University of California, Riverside:
Abstract, 31st October 2009. (accessed 9th March 2017) https://www.researchgate.net/publication/268172792_Bargaining_Intra-family_Violence_Laws_and_Acts_of_Domestic_Violence_in_Mexico
[14] Beleche,
Trinidad. “Bargaining Intra-Family Violence Laws and Acts of Domestic Violence
in Mexico.” Pp. 1-2
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