This is a familial lesson in which we can all learn from with understanding, communications, and there are two sides to every story in dealing with family relations.
What is the definition of a family? It is a group consisting of parents living in a household. It is where numerous descendants share the same ancestor. In this definition it does not cover anything such as love or like. How do you love or like someone we never have met or do not know?
Years ago, when the grandparents, parents, and my siblings were younger, we would (cousins, aunts, uncles, other relatives) gather at one of the two grandparent's houses for holidays. I would say my paternal grandmother had a much more festive gathering than the maternal grandparents. Sometimes, we lived in the same town.
I will not be telling any little dirty secrets, because there are a lot of them on both sides of the parents extended families.
WHAT I HEARD AND WHAT ACTIONS OCCURRED:
I am going to be the center of the attention for the purpose of this blog.
After all, this purpose is all about me, right?
I am the spoiled rotten stingy bitch that would be beautiful if I lost weight.
What does some man want with me?
I see why your husband divorced you.
Your brother did a fine job of taking care of your mother for two years, poor fellow. Why didn't you help? (FYI: I took care of her since 1993 until 2012.)
Why can't you make more money like your father?
You are just like, this aunt or that aunt or your father or mother -in- law so and so.
My stupid wife took me and wanted ..... in a hotel because she was....(Use your imagination when a marriage becomes stale, one should be creative to spice it up.)
Knock on a cousin's or uncle's door who is home, that peers out the window but refuses to answer the door. That hurts.
Being told my children can't touch a toy because.... with no reasoning, hurts children.
Being told we might be acceptable to play with a cousin by an Aunt hurts. What is might be acceptable me?
We were not invited but everyone else was.
Well I would invite you but, no.
We can visit in the garage or on the porch.
I have nothing to offer you and what do you want?
Why won't they talk to me?
What have I done?
You can't do your laundry in my home any more because it is raising my water bill. I know you pay for the use of water and electricity when you do your laundry. But you can go to a laundry mat. I don't want you here. It bothers the other relatives that don't live here.
So sorry your mother died, here let me send you some money. I know you don't have any, but this is all I can send. (I never asked for any money? No thank you. I honestly didn't need anything from you all these years but a moment of your time with a kind word and I certainly do not need your money.)
How can you send me that in an email? (My email was hacked and I apologized) It wasn't me. Please forgive me, I was hacked. I honestly wouldn't you that type of garbage in an email. (She never spoke to me again. I should have been upset at the thought she would think I would send her pornography.)
This is what I grew up hearing as a youth and an adult.
When I graduated with my Bachelor's degree, I realized I DO NOT HAVE TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE. How many people did I piss off? A whole bunch. When my mother passed away, it really upset a lot of people who suddenly wanted to be there for me but didn't have the time.
I love my children, I don't always like their actions. Saying that, they love me, but they do not always like my actions. The same goes for my niece and her three sons, my great nephews. They all are in my life personally consistently. I have relatives I speak with in the social media that I respect because they are respectful people that share their time. Time is a valuable asset that we all have but is not guaranteed.
I love both siblings-- my older brothers. I refuse to associate with one because of his actions and negative energy. He had lived on and off with me as an adult four (4) times. The other one lived with me from 1995-2012 and from 2014-2015.
Do I harbor ill will toward anyone? Have I forgiven all of them?
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4.31-32
Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves,but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written. "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord." To the contrary, "if you enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12.17-21
That being written in the Bible, these are the actions that I have taken.
I am not perfect. But, this is my view point. I am just a sinner who has not lived a 100% Christian life.
Step 1 - I forgave myself for anything I have done towards these people.
Step 2 - I have forgiven them.
Step 3- I have sought peace and to have peace means I can not have anything to do with these relatives. However, my middle brother is included in this group. He is the only exception to the rule that I can personally live with. I will feed him through my niece. I will support my niece emotionally as well as her boys in taking care of my middle brother. But I will not associate with him.
Step 4- I have no more enemies and harbor no ill will toward them, I just do not want them in my life. I can sleep at night.
Many of them are deceased and some of the living are now wanting friendship. There is nothing in the Bible that says we have to associate with those whom have wronged me. I chose not to walk their path.
If there is a family member that you are close to, love and like--learn how to make amends. If not learn how to forgive each other and let go everything to it's separate ways. Keep peace and when you do, your heart doesn't harden. I still pray for the living. Many times in growing, we chose not to have time to know and understand each other because we a wrapped up in our own worlds. Then one day, we have no idea who they are nor they us. Growing up doesn't happen when you are under 18 and it does happen when you reach 57 for it is a continual process that we each much work at every hour we breathe.
The past cannot be changed, but we can change. We can live in peace with ourselves.
No comments:
Post a Comment