Making Amends

This is has been a most trying week, especially Monday. I am one of three children that Dad and Mom hatched via the allusive stork of the mid to latter 1950s. At least I was flown in and not cultivated in the cabbage patch or brought in hopping with the herd of bunnies led by "Peter Cottontail."  I was the youngest following two brothers.

Monday, my only niece called me to let me know that her Father, my middle brother, was diagnosed with cancer. It is a dangerous form of cancer where prognosis can be optimistic but rarely promising, however, it can vary depending on the stage considering the overall health of the person. In this case, my brother's body may look healthy but it has been through a war zone. He never served in the military. The war zone I am referring to is his drug and alcohol abuse. This is the brother that I could not allow in my home because of his use and the fact I had small children that I was trying to raise.

I had some residential drama with his last drug use in 2001. I ended up putting him out of my home and repossessing the car I sold him for non-payment. He eventually paid off the car, but I never allowed him in my home again until my children were grown and one was on her own with her husband. I allowed him to temporarily live on my sofa in 2014. He left for awhile, mother had passed away and he returned in the summer months of 2015, only to cause another problem with his drugs, alcohol, which caused drama in the home on another level. 

I said I would never talk to him again. I have forgiven him, but I still want nothing more to do with him. 

This is the brother....

who has his own suite at the Texas Department of Corrections and the Alabama Department of Corrections

who has used our older brother's name as an alias

who had a petty crime records taller than 5 feet 4 inches (my height)

who went to work to help Mother with the bills when Dad became sick many years ago in the 1970s. 

who has compassion to paint the house of our grandmother and pay for the materials

who shaved off the remains of our Father's hair when it was falling out due to chemotherapy treatments in 1992

who I drove to the hospital many times over to be patched up from a being shot or stabbed in drug related incidents

who was the "All American" football player that Bear Bryant wanted many years ago fresh out of high school

who is a lousy Father, but he loved his daughter as well as his grandsons.

who was our Mother's favorite child and my Father's love because of his athletic ability.  (I am not saying that out of jealousy either but truthful in heart. My eldest brother and I knew it.)

who is very talented with his hands in building scaffolding and some movie sets like some of the scenery in the "Abyss" and setting up stunts in the famous Astrodome for daredevil Evel Knievel. 

who at one time thought he would make a minister when he was younger or a police officer when he was older. Our Father was never sure about either because he couldn't make any money at either profession.

who I have sisterly love but I just do not like his actions.

who Dad and Mom spent in excess of 1.5 million dollars in rehab, bail money, lawyer fees, private detectives, autos, house notes, etc., just to try to "fix him."

who has nine lives of a cat that no one ever understood why.

This is the brother we nor anyone else ever understood why?

This was called unconditional love which doesn't mean we liked his actions and or him but we loved him unconditionally. This is not a blacksheep of a family but a beloved brother. There is an occupant in his body that is not known to those who love(d) him. My brother is missing deep in a physical shell that looks like him. 

I spoke to my oldest, my son, about making amends. He told me it was something I needed to do. Again I asked myself why? I just need to, that is why. 

We need to speak to each other, to make sure his life and his soul, is right with God. This beloved brother hates dark enclosed holes. He (along with everyone in society) will at one point enter that "dark hole"-- the grave of eternity for those who have physically ceased to live anymore. He will expire. His eldest brother and I, would like to make sure that he has set things right with God. I do not want him dying not sure whether he will be joining our parents whose souls are in Heaven above with God. 

So I will break my vow of silence in our relationship and point blank ask him, "Have you made your peace with God?"  He was Baptized as a young boy, and I know he accepted Jesus Christ as his savior. But, with his life, he has lost his sight of God. He has lost God's grace and goodness that can be his only through the Father (God), the Son (Jesus) and the Holy Spirit. 

About a year or two ago, he scoffed at his daughter when she tried to speak to him about all of this. Well shortly here I will break the silence and broach the subject again. It is not too late for he and I to make amends and express a few sentiments. It is not too late for he to make amends with God and express those sentiments. 

The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance. 2 Peter 3.9

One of the criminals who were hanged railed at him, saying, “Are you not the Christ? Save yourself and us!” But the other rebuked him, saying, “Do you not fear God, since you are under the same sentence of condemnation? And we indeed justly; for we are receiving the due reward of our deeds; but this man has done nothing wrong.”  And he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into[a] your kingdom.”  And he said to him, “Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise.” Luke 23.39-43

With the last breath that we have left in our bodies, it is never too late to accept Jesus Christ! God did not promise us a tomorrow.