Well heck fire! One of my pet
peeves is strange men trying to pick me and “be my friend” on the internet
while playing scrabble. I personally do
not like it. I am over 55, tired, and chronically ill with many physical and
mental challenges which have been diagnosed. Look in other words, my turnips
have fail to catch the elevator and climb to the top to turn on the lights in
my brain. Or, maybe they just fell off
the truck years ago in the turnip patch.
Rule # 1
Never approach me on the internet and say: “Hey Baby! I want
to be your friend.”
Hey, guess what I am not your baby.
I am not the age of diapers, not anyway yet. Getting damn close. Majority of
all women have a bladder issues just like men have a urine leakage as they get
older. Sounds very appealing, doesn’t it?
Furthermore, I haven’t sucked a bottle since I was an infant. For that
matter if you asked me to suck anything, I would tell you to get a grip and go
suck yourself.
Rule # 2
Never approach me on the internet and state: “I would like
to have sexual conversation with you.”
Hey, guess what? Sure. Take off your clothes and let me count
your sagging stretch marks. I really like it if you would take your teeth out
and place them in the glass next to my pillow. What type of high blood pressure
medicines are you on? Do you have to drink a nightly dose of fiber substitute
to keep you regular? Let’s compare recent blood test. My cholesterol was 9
million last month. Is that adult acne or just a big hairy pimple on your butt?
How long have you had that one eyebrow? Did you wax that? You have more
wrinkles showing with it waxed.
Rule # 3
Never approach me on the internet and think “She is good
looking. She has that I want a man look.”
Wrong. Wonder why there is just ½
a smile? Well I do wear upper plates which are bleached to give me a nice set
of white teeth—sometimes. I have had a stroke and when I smile and show my
teeth, one can definitely notice the drooping jaw line as well as one eye that
looks a lot off centered. I take off my bra and I become flat chested because
my breasts fall down around my knees. What may look like black hair is actually
salt and pepper silver. And I put a soft look on my most recent pictures
because I may have missed plucking a black or silver hair from my upper lip or
one of those really long gross ones from my chin. Not to mention, I am hiding all those
blotches that an hours’ worth of heavy makeup has covered up.
Rule # 4
Never think when approaching me
on the internet. If you do, your assumption may be totally wrong. I am single
and I like men. I do not want a boyfriend; well, maybe an occasional dinner
date once every six months. My life is full and busy. I do get lonely but who
doesn’t. I needle point, read, help struggling students with their studies,
mentor sometimes, play video games, read horrible historical romance novels,
research various stuff, read my Bible often, research genealogy, bitch,
complain about politics, talk to people that I know and have met 90% of them
with a history of them before internet, clean house, play with grandchildren,
cook, visit with great nephews, niece, a crazy middle brother, call a brother
in Florida and an elderly aunt in Alabama. So, my life is full and sometimes,
there is never a dull moment. So never assume I am truly lonely, because I am
not.
There is no Rule # 5
I am a loyal person to my
friends. I have many that I am very close to who know everything about me with
the exception of my underwear size because I keep forgetting where I put them
in the house. I don’t have to worry about impressing anyone. I could care less
if my underarms or legs get shaved. I shower every day, wear deodorant, and
wash my hair every three days unless I have been extremely hot and sweaty. If I
want to dress up I do, if I don’t oh well. I wear weird hats, tons of bracelets
and gaudy costume jewelry if I want to. Last but not least, I love my children
deeply, I love some relatives deeply, I am high compassionate, and I enjoy
life. I could care less if I have money or not as long as “I” pay “my” bills
with “my” money. Yes, money is tight with me, and I am not soliciting for
hand-outs either.
But there is one thing I don’t do…
I do not let strangers pick me up anywhere especially the internet. Because,
one thing I know for sure… If you smell like an old fart, you probably are an
old fart. I bet you anything my old farts probably smell worse than your old
farts…
God bless you all and have a nice Friday.
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